consciousness and out into the world of expression all the other half of human potential which is socially reserved for the female are endless and terribly satisfying. This is the gender and personality area that I have written about before.

The reason that this new world is so fascinating is that what the femmiphile is experiencing in it is the other half of his own humanity. Those qualities that make up half of his birthright but which are in effect stolen from him by the process of growing up in our society and learning to be adequately masculine which really means learning NOT to be feminine. Growing up is more of a "turning off" process than a "turning on" one. All human capacities reside in the new born baby of either sex and all could be developed to be utilized and expressed as circumstances dictated. But they aren't. Society (in the person of parents, teachers, brothers and sisters and playmates), says, "this faucet you may turn on to the fullest and use its product but those faucets you must not turn on as a matter of fact since they are leaking a little now (the ambivalent stage in which little boys may be permitted to cry, to play with dolls, to make mud pies and such "feminine" things) we had best turn them off tightly so that no more of "that" (feminine traits) comes out."

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Well, when, somehow or other, some of these "feminine faucets" get turned on even if only slightly by some experience the young male finds that this part of himself - which has to be in his head all the time any- way since he can't just invent a new human characteristic out of thin air is interesting and pleasurable. And with those two motivations he explores it all a little further next time it is possible. Over the years he discovers more and more of his own human heritage and enjoys it. "It's mine, it's part of me and I won't voluntarily give it up" he says. True enough in moods of great guilt he has a purge and swears off, but it seldom works permanently because it isn't like giving up cigarettes, alcohol, rich foods, or gambling. All these things are hard to do because there remains some counter motivation to do them and some satisfaction in doing them. But they are all external they are not part of a trip through ones own head. Perhaps there is a similarity between the trips on LSD and our FP trip in that both of them reveal more of ourselves to ourselves and since it IS us one way or another we are very reluctant to surrender it to anybody. Thus the FP almost inevitably returns sooner or later to the task of facing up to his femmeself and accepting her as part of his total self-his total humanity.

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